You have a pretty interesting start to the story.
I would consider breaking up the paragraphs a little bit, and using standard novel format (putting dialog in seperate paragraphs). I noticed you're using quotes to signify thoughts. Only reserve quotes for dialog.
I would either take out.... or rearrange the first part about comparing the planet to Earth. It's a bit of an overkill for a description.
You're using a first person point of view. That's good, lots of intimate emtions, thoughts, and feelings can be portrayed.
Lots of good action towards the end, and good build up in the first few paragraphs. You've made it clear you are an alien to these people, not understanding them. But I think you also need some kind of a transition from the peace to the battle...it seems disconnected. Perhaps that is what you are missing?
One other thing I would do is instead of "telling" the first paragraph...how you got there on that planet, I would "show" the paragraph....detail the battle scene show us maybe why you had to crash land on that planet...why you initially thought these people were primitive. I think that doing that would add a lot more depth and interest to your story.
